Wednesday, December 9, 2015

The Scarlet Ribbon


And then it hit her. The tingle and soft pull of her heart. Her heart before had been a tight knotted mass of ribbon-- scarlet ribbon. Beautiful ribbon knotted precisely an inch apart. What had happened? She had swore never to let herself get caught in someone else’s web. Ever since that momentous life-changing crash things had been different for Eve. She no longer had the same passions for art. No longer could she sit in front of the easel and watercolor the vast open skies stretching over the Kansas tundra. It made her sad, yes, but she had developed an increasing knack for writing poetry. She now enjoyed sitting outdoors and writing, pensively, collecting nature between ink and page. Writing rich descriptions of nature’s finest.
“A small peckish squirrel busily hacking away at the remains of October’s rich bounty.”
“A creek gurgling out its praise to the vibrant green hemlock clusters.”
This was some of her writing. Years earlier, she had published a poem, “Rain dance.” This is all that Eve enjoyed, in the beginning
Eve was getting older and the crash was something of her past. She enjoyed life very much and was comfortable in the little town she was attending college in. It was a good town she thought. When, she began in 2014, her father thought it was best that she go there, it being closest to home. However, later, he heard things that discontented his Roman conservative heart. Eve knew this and though she was somewhat abashed by her fathers negativity she knew that she must show her true stripes, not those of the lonely beach ball she used to play with as a child. Now, was her time to shine. She had been blessed with all the ingredients to live a rich life-- except love.
What was this feeling-- Love?
Then, suddenly, in the winter of 2015, inch-by-inch the small scarlet knots began unwinding themselves. Unravelling across the soft hills of white clean snow. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, the undoing of knots had started that summer when she had met Luis.
    Eve had decided to get a head start on college by taking summer classes. Little did she know that she would make many life-long friends. Eve stayed in the dorms over the summer. She began in dorm #15 with a bunch of Indonesians and a very quaint Chinese musician who played the piano angelically. Upon arrival to this dorm, Eve was frightened to leave her room. She could hear many voices, some shouting, some whispering, some beckoning her come out, some hailing her stay in. It was a loud silence.
    The second week Eve was moved up the hill to building #8. Her dorm-mate's name was Christina. And across the hall lived a clan of Brazilians, who were constantly shouting commands at the soccer players on TV.
    Her first class was A&P with Dr. Leug, often joked as Dr. Leg. This class was very dry and tedious for Eve’s creative mind. Eve loathed mathematics and science classes. After this monotony, Eve looked forward to her cinema appreciation class with Mr. Philip Brenton. This class she thought was fascinating, she enjoyed watching all the old classics. The class, in all, was five students. Most were older than her, but then her eyes stopped, on Luis.
    Luis was a light tan-skinned foreign-looking boy. with brown sparkling eyes and soft tanned skin, that reminded Eve of the sand on the beach in Chicago. During class, Mr. Brenton would have open discussions about the movies. Eve had a strong mind as well as a steadfast opinion, so she was eager to answer questions and voice her opinions on the films. So did Luis, quiet Luis, who smiled and spoke softly.
    So, the summer progressed and the classes slipped soundlessly into the folds of the gradebooks. And it seemed that Eve was enjoying talking to Luis more and more. It was nice when Mr. Brenton had a movie day, which was at least once a week. He would turn the lights off and everyone would stare at the screen, and after her eyes refocused to the darkness they could dreamily meet with Luis’s, and so they made silent conversation, until the summer ended.
Eve began her studies as a full-time student in the fall. Pushing the little summer romance away. She picked up her studies with a fastidious determination and a set routine. Involving all three meals, which provided her social scheme. Except on Thursdays, when the dreaded algebra class lingered its clutches over her dinner plate.  The little romance had passed away, but Eve didn’t notice because, remember, she didn’t know romance. Over the summer she had developed a tight friendship with Christina. Who was fond of taking back roads adventures. Eve and Christina cruised the unknown little travelled roads all summer. So, they became close cronies when school started. On weekends, they liked to go cruising with the radio up or shopping at the local Walmart in the odd hours of morning.
The day was sunny and carried a lethargy with it. Classes dwindled on and had lost their excitement. Christina and Eve looked forward to weekends. A scarlet knot came unfurled.
Remember that ribbon? Oh, Eve did too. She had become aware that slowly but surely more and more of the scarlet knots had loosed. Growing up she had learned that it was bad to have knots in your shoelaces, so they were to be avoided. But these knots were different and were meant tied, to be kept. She also knew that she had her life to live, her mistakes to do and she was in charge. She had read the Catechism and had studied the books; she was aware. She knew what was right, just, and sustained good morals. Or so she thought.
In the night, he came, black against black, striding up to her, the stars in his eyes. Then he grasped Eve’s waist and pressed her close against his body and passionately kissed her; his comet.
Another scarlet knot slipped away. For, it is not only lovers that untied her knots but true friends alike. For, in giving one’s time does one learns to love.

Solitude

Solitude can be a real bitch sometimes. But it is something that you must persevere through to get the "big prize." It is the companion to the unconfident and sleeps in the mouths of those who don't have a voice in the crowd. Solitude can lead to madness. However, it is all to important of a struggle to withstand for through it we will find happiness. Patience leads to great things.

Don't be to quick to give your heart away

         I have seen several things posted on social media recently about how you should not be scared to give your heart away and not to worry and that life is to short to worry about the consequences of what you do.
 The ads say, "Just jump in, don't look back, and say yes with a full heart."
          Well, I will tell you this quote was written by a fool. I have learned you have to be very careful with your heart, keeping it guarded. It is all so confusing the thought of falling in love. Sometimes, you get trampled and cannot believe that something so magical or true could come to you. This is important to note. Being frightened for your heart is normal, I guess..
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."  -Proverbs 4:23

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Thoughts on the Cloud

I am miserable
I have no friends here
Besides this girl from Wyoming.
I hate the college I'm going to
and I wish I was in Chicago
or NYC
Or someplace
that'd be better for me.

Their are no opportunities here
"Grab your application at McDonalds!"
No one reads good books
or cares for great literature.

My piano friends from last year left.

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Alone

Sound
breaks loneliness.
Cutting your thoughts
Pandora, Spotify Netflix.
Cut through this hangery

Is it enough?

A Blank Room

I sit in a blank room
No shadows of people
No sound
Stark white walls tower above me
My eyes grope their way up and meet
the equally white ceiling.
Blank.
Blank.
Blank.
A listless Saturday night
Falling into history
Nothing done, nothing gained
Time lost
All the same.

The worn leaflets of my past,
memories;
crowd my thoughts.

But in the real world
I'm
Blank.
Blank.
Blank.



Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Falling apart

Everything falls apart.
People fall apart.
Relationships fall apart.

Friday, October 2, 2015

Crazy mess

So apparently kissing has different significance in different cultures.
I enjoyed the night
Made a crazy mess of myself.
Had a great time.
Lastly, got my heart broke.
Cause kissing has different significance in different cultures.

......

          So hard to even connect what your thinking and coagulate your emotions from it. You feel emotionally hurt, downtrodden, neglected, full of sorrow, pain, confusion and at the same time not really giving a shit. Like, your at the precipice of something great that could've been in your life but instead it was just hurled against a wall and burst into sound and fury. Literally, you're feeling sound and fury right now. You want to scream so loud you can't anymore. Could it have been that you are full of emotion now but cannot express it because of your confusion with the expression.
Two cultures clashed and I was the victim of the crash. I became a "prize" they could hang on the wall, an instrument of their play. And I ask myself was it that big of a deal? Does it really matter that much to you? Or is society just cramming its emotions down your throat?
You feel like you need to get your mind off this, need to free yourself from this pent up confusion.
The confusion you feel is from not knowing who was who.
Do you know who you are?

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Courage, Brave Heart

     Everyone makes mistakes and most people that make mistakes try to later justify their mistakes until they realize the foolishness they've played. Such is life, I guess. In order to be a well-rounded person you must make mistakes. This is not news to any of you though. I have been plopped into a mistake hazard. Yes, I have been immersed in "foolery", I could've done much better if I had applied myself more. But alas, the past is done.
           My future is going to hold great things, hopefully. I hope to become a journalist someday for some big newspaper, like the Chicago Tribune or the Seattle Times. I could move there and work for a while doing that job while I'm finishing my MFA degree in English/TESOL. Its really far in the future but I think with my new intuition of getting my grades back up to a 3.5 or 4.0 I might be accepted into a nice school in the West or Midwest. Loyola would be very nice. I dream that someday I would be appreciated as an ESL teacher.
When I first started looking at colleges I should have had more courage in myself. So, as Oscar Wilde once said, "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

Monday, September 21, 2015

Lovely



Lovely. Lovely. paint the skies.
Lovely. Lovely. please dry your eyes.
It cannot be hard to live like you do
Waiting. Waiting.
For you.


Lovely. Lovely.
My heart I’ve kept clean.
Lovely. Lovely.
You visit my dream.


Maybe you’re writing a love song to me.
Maybe you study romantic poetry.
Well I know we’ll be best friends you and me.


You might prefer the city as I know you do.
But not to shop. For writing to do.
You and I will stroll arm in arm
admiring the shop’s and the city’s charm.


Then return at the fold of the day
You and I.
And study Milton and Yeats.
You'll comfort me when I cry.
We could talk in different languages
And talk about whatever we want
You and I could be ourselves
and be one within the same.
You and I will be joined in one name.

Monday, March 16, 2015

Water

Water is not the only thing thats shallow. 

A Broken Heart In a Raging Sea

A soft sea in the deep
where she can rest her head
around shells and pearls
That will be her burial bed.
An expensive burial
for an expensive bride.
A lover lost to a raging tide.
With pearls adorning her feet
Everyone will see
she was beloved.

Grease drips from the rooftops of a small shack
The grease drips are like the tears of the moarning mother.
Who lost her child of four years.
With a family to feed she cannot stop for tears.
She must collect and polish all the shells of the reef.